Who wants to be Naruto's Seme? Naruto Edition
by PeanutMango
Summary: Back again with another "Who wants to be some lovely uke's seme?", requested by KOHANAISYOURMASTER! Rating K , might get bumped up to M. Be warned, yaoi content in later chapters! Credits to Masashi Kishimoto and the creators of "Who wants to be a Millionaire?".
1. Back after long hiatus

**Who wants to be Naruto's Seme? Naruto Edition**

 _Prologue_

 _Welcome back to another season of "Who wants to be some lovely uke's seme?" Our producers have been so lazy for the past gods knows how many months, that is why we weren't able to present a new season to you. Ruckus here deeply apologise for our producer's laziness. This season was inspired by_ KOHANAISYOURMASTER _! Thank you for kick-starting our lazy assed producers in to gear._

 _For this season, the lazy producers have decided to change the gameplay so that the game will be shorter and they will not have to work on it for very long. All 5 contestants will have to answer 200 questions by being the first to press their buzzers in order to answer the question. At the end of the game, the contestant with the most number of correct answers wins!_

 _This season will feature Kohana's requested characters from the most awesome and recently completed Naruto! Of course, the grand prize will be Naruto himself. And let's meet the contestants!_

 _Contestant 01: Orochimaru_

 _Contestant 02: Itachi Uchiha_

 _Contestant 03: Shikamaru Nara_

 _Contestant 04: Neji Hyuga_

 _Contestant 05: Sasuke Uchiha_

 _Let us begin "Who wants to be Naruto's Seme?"!_


	2. Contestant 1: Orochimaru

_Chapter 1_

 ** _Ruckus: I'm glad to be back as a host for another season of "Who wants to be some lovely uke's seme?", otherwise I'll be having withdrawal symptoms from lack of yaoi! And my pocket would be very, very empty. Before we meet our first contestant, Ruckus needs to apologise on the lazy-assed producers' behalf as they decided to revert back to the old format as opposed to the format that I had mentioned before the opening title. (bows deeply) Now let's invite our first contestant up on the stage! The creepy paedophile/pervert Orochimaru!_**

 _Orochimaru: Thank you for the compliments._

 ** _Ruckus: Eh, those aren't compliments at all… O_O||||_**

 _Orochimaru: Doesn't matter, they sound like compliments to me._

 ** _Ruckus: 0_o Okay… Shall we start the game then?_**

 _Orochimaru: Yes, the sooner we start, the sooner I can get my hands on my ex-disciple's beloved dobe and exact my revenge on him for leaving me. (Laughs evilly)_

 ** _Ruckus: Eh… Let's begin then. The first question, what does the stars on the United States of America (USA) represent? A) The number of states in America, B) No meaning at all, C) They are just there to look pretty, or D) The awesomeness of USA._**

 _Orochimaru: You do know that I am Japanese and have no knowledge of the world outside of Japan because I was, and still am, too busy finding out the secrets of the world and trying to gain immortality?_

 ** _Ruckus: If you are so busy trying to find out the secrets of the world and trying to gain immortality, then why are you here at this game show?_**

 _Orochimaru: I still want to have my revenge on Sasuke._

 ** _Ruckus: -_-|| No matter, please answer the question._**

 _Orochimaru: The answer that makes the most sense out of all the option that you have given me is B) No meaning at all. I'm going with B)._

 ** _Ruckus: Well then, you can go back to your research of the world's secrets and attempts at achieving immortality because the correct answer is A)._**

 _Orochimaru: What? How could it be?_

 ** _Ruckus: You just chose the answer that made the most sense to you, but that does not mean that it is the correct answer. Thank goodness that you got the first question wrong. We appreciate your participation in our show!_**

 _Orochimaru: (mutters as he walks off the stage) This game is rigged._

 ** _Ruckus: We heard that. And we would like to inform you that our game is not rigged, you are just not smart enough. (turns to audience) Let's go for a commercial break!_**


	3. Contestant 2: Itachi

_Chapter 2_

 ** _Ruckus: Welcome back dear audience! Let us bring on the next contestant, the elder brother of Sasuke Uchiha, Itachi!_**

 _Itachi: Thank you for having me._

 ** _Ruckus: Thank you for coming! We are very curious as to why you would join this game show, Itachi-san._**

 _Itachi: My purpose is to annoy my little brother, no other reason._

 ** _Ruckus: I see. Now that we know the reason, let us begin the game! Question 1, how many classes are there in the animal kingdom? A) 3, B) 4, C) 5 or D) 6?_**

 _Itachi: My answer is C)._

 ** _Ruckus: That's the correct answer! I guess Sasuke would be pissed to know that his precious dobe would have to kiss you on the cheek. Let's proceed with the next question!_**

 _Itachi: My little brother would be more annoyed to know that I would own his dobe after the end of this game (smirks evilly)_

 ** _Ruckus: =_=||||||| Let's proceed on shall we? Question 2, which of the following is an irrational number? A)_** ** _π_** ** _,_** ** _B) 5/6, C) 315/217 or D) 0.00008122588?_**

 _Itachi: I do wonder if the show's producers are underestimating my intelligence or that they do not have enough creativity to give me a tougher question._

 ** _Ruckus: I would say that they are just plain lazy._**

 _Itachi: Right. My answer is A)_

 ** _Ruckus: A) is correct! Next question, feelings of happiness does not release which of the following chemicals? A) Dopamine, B) Oxytocin, C) Serotonin, or D) Cortisol?_**

 _Itachi: Can you skip past the rest of the questions? The producers are just too lazy._

 ** _Ruckus: How about we take away the choices and you just give us the answer?_**

 _Itachi: That would only make this game show slightly more challenging._

 ** _Ruckus: At least it would become slightly more challenging._**

 _Itachi: Ok, my answer is D)._

 ** _Ruckus: I don't have to tell you if the answer is right or wrong since you already know that you are right, so we just go on to the 4_** ** _th_** ** _question. By the way, we are taking away the options from now on._**

 _Itachi: That's fine with me._

 ** _Ruckus: Alright! Question 4, what is the difference between weather and climate?_**

 _Itachi: Weather refers to the short term changes in the atmosphere while climate refers to the long term, that is a few years, behaviour of the atmosphere._

 ** _Ruckus: Again, I believe I don't have to announce if your answer is correct, so let's proceed to question 5. Where in the world is the place with the longest name, as according to the Guinness World Record? Please give the exact location._**

 _Itachi: North Island, New Zealand._

 ** _Ruckus: Alright! Since we have reached question 5, let us break for a little bit, we will be interviewing Sasuke and our grand prize, Naruto, to hear their opinions of Itachi winning the grand prize._**

 ** _{Commercial Break}_**

 ** _Ruckus: Welcome back from the break. Here we are interviewing the last contestant, Sasuke and our grand prize, Naruto, who is locked in the chakra limiting cage._**

 _Sasuke: Stupid dobe, why did you have to be captured by these idiot people and force me to participate in this gameshow…_

 _Naruto: (yells) Teme! Stop calling me dobe and get lost if you are only here to insult me! They offered me free all you can eat ramen at Ichiraku's if I agree to just appear on their show. How would I know I would end up like this! (TToTT) Luckily that creeper Orochimaru lost at the first question… (shudders fearfully at the thought of Orochimaru)_

 ** _Ruckus: Please do not ignore Ruckus… I'm the host after all. But I think I have all the answer to the questions that I was about to ask the both of you, so let's get back to the game!_**

 _Naruto & Sasuke: (at the same time) Stupid host…_

 ** _Ruckus: (ignores both) Question 6, why is there a need to add a leap second?_**

 _Itachi: The earth's rotation is slowing down as a result of a transfer of Earth's rotational momentum to the Moon's orbital momentum as tidal friction slows the Earth's rotation._

 ** _Ruckus: Question 7, how many known languages are there in the world that have more than 1000 people speaking them?_**

 _Itachi: Approximately 4500._

 ** _Ruckus: Seriously, how do you know so much? And no, I don't want to listen to you about how great you are or that you were born smart.._**

 _Itachi: Then don't ask and give me the next question._

 ** _Ruckus: (rolls eyes) Question 8, what animals are colour blind? Name 4 animals._**

 _Itachi: Dogs, cats, owls, whales._

 ** _Ruckus: Question 9, when does National Cat Day fall on?_**

 _Itachi: … There is a National Cat Day out there?_

 ** _Ruckus: Yes._**

 _Itachi: And you guys expect me to know which day it falls on?_

 ** _Ruckus: Yes._**

 _Itachi: (holds head and shake)_

 ** _Ruckus: Please answer the question._**

 _Itachi: I have no bloody idea, and I am embarrassed to say it._

 ** _Ruckus: Finally stumped the genius! (pumps fist into the air) So your final prize is a striptease/lap dance combo courtesy of Naruto!_**

 _Itachi: At least Sasuke will still be quite pissed about that…_

 ** _Ruckus: Yes, yes he will. Please collect your prize at the end of the show! Right now, let's go for another commercial break before we meet our third contestant._**

AN: Some of the answers might be wrong, I'm just assuming that they are right based on my own knowledge, so please let me know if you have the right answer to the question and I will change it. Thank you.


	4. Contestant 3: Shikamaru

_Chapter 3_

 ** _Ruckus: Our third contestant is also a genius, though I find it hard to believe as he seems to be sleeping all the time, so how and why is he a genius? Maybe Ruckus should sleep more… (staring off in to space) (snaps back to reality with a shake of the head) Sorry for digressing, please welcome Shikamaru!_**

 _{Silence}_

 ** _Ruckus: Erm, hello? Shikamaru Nara! Can you come out now?_**

 _{Producer assistant runs out and whispers into host's ear}_

 ** _Ruckus: What!? You guys can't find him?! Where did that narcoleptic go off to sleep?_**

 _{Producer assistant whispers some more}_

 ** _Ruckus: The producers say to kick him out of the game? Since they don't know when he will be found? Really?_**

 _{Producer assistant nods}_

 ** _Ruckus: If they say so… (shrugs) Well, looks like the third contestant won't be showing up… Please forgive us and we'll get the fourth contestant ready soon. Tune in after this break._**


	5. Contestant 4: Neji

_Chapter 4_

 ** _Ruckus: Many apologies for the situation that occurred before the break. We now have Neji Hyuuga, the fourth contestant of this show-_**

 _Shikamaru: (enters and yawns) Is it my turn now?_

 ** _Ruckus: You damned narcoleptic! Where did you go?! Our producers decided that you are disqualified from our game!_**

 _Shikamaru: I just fell asleep behind the set._

 ** _Ruckus:_** ******___** **** ** _Please join us on the audience seat since you have been disqualified._**

 _Shikamaru: Whatever… (walks to the audience's seat)._

 _Neji: (walks out to the stage) So are we starting the game now?_

 ** _Ruckus: Yes and sorry for the trouble. Thank you for coming to our game show._**

 _Neji: (sits down)._

 ** _Ruckus: Before we began, we would like to know the reason for your participation in the game show._**

 _Neji: Gaara said Naruto's virginity must be protected, so as his friend, I have to participate to protect him._

 ** _Ruckus: Then why didn't Gaara join this game show?_**

 _Neji: He said he was busy._

 ** _Ruckus: =_= Never mind. Let's start the game! Question 1, solve the following equation and select the right answer for y. The choices for this question are A) 5, B) 2, C) 4 and D) 8._**

 ** _10y-8=6y+(x/2)_**

 ** _Where x=4y_**

 _Neji: (answers immediately) C)._

 ** _Ruckus: Woah! How did you get that so quickly? By the way, that is the right answer._**

 _Neiji: Itachi, Sasuke and Shikamaru are not the only geniuses of Konoha._

 ** _Ruckus: Ok, moving to question 2, which period is Michelangelo from? A) Roman, B) Early and High Renaissance, C) Venetian and Northern Renaissance or D) Baroque?_**

 _Neji: Hmm... The answer is B)._

 ** _Ruckus: Correct! Question 3, what is the name of the compound CaCl2.2H2O? A) Calcium Sulfate Dihydrate, B) Cadmium Chloride Dihydrate, C) Cadmium Sulfate Dihydrate or D) Calcium Chloride Dihydrate?_**

 _Neji: My answer is D)._

 ** _Ruckus: The answer is right! Question 4, how long will it take a person of average body weight to die from cyanide poisoning? A) 3 days, B) 3 hours, C) 3 minutes, D) 3 second?*_**

 _Neji: Why is this question so dark?_

 ** _Ruckus: Our producers are crazy asshats who would like to know how to die in many ways, and that includes death by cyanide poisoning. Please answer the question._**

 _Neji: If I answer this question correctly, it would either mean I'm the same as the producers of this show, or that I have actually poisoned someone with cyanide, but if I answer wrongly then it will be game over for me right?_

 ** _Ruckus: Yes, but we won't judge you for giving us the wrong answer._**

 _Neji: Since I do not want to be in the same category as your so called crazy asshat producers, D)._

 ** _Ruckus: Congratulations on not being in the same category as our producers! The prize that you walk away with is a hug from our lovely uke! Please bring in Naruto so that Neji can collect his prize!_**

 _Neji: (speaks as Naruto is about to be released from the cage) Sasuke can collect on my behalf… I doubt he would like it if I were to receive this prize._

 ** _Ruckus: Ok then, Sasuke can collect this prize along with his own when he is finished with answering the questions. Thank you for coming to this show, Neji!_**

 _Neji: It's been my pleasure. (Walks off the stage)_

 ** _Ruckus: Ok! We are down to the last contestant, so let's go for another commercial break! Please tune in to see if Sasuke will be sharing his dobe with Itachi or will he lose Naruto to Itachi?_**

AN: * The correct answer is according to the information from "On the Feasibility of Poisoning with Cyanides and How to Prevent it.", available from


End file.
